The things that matter {to me}

It happened again

A week ago (2/6) I convinced Geoff that he needed to go to Alex's follow up appointment to see Dr. Moshfeghi. The Dr's always like Geoff & I usually feel like I'm the rambling idiot in the corner who gets a pat on the head because I talk too much. So my point of taking Geoff was so that Geoff could ask for Matterhorn clearance for this boy who is not understanding why the 3 of us are not taking off for our annual "just the 3 of us" trek to see Harold at Disneyland. Geoff reluctantly agreed as normally he leaves medical stuff like follow up appoints soley to my calendar... lucky me. I felt like we needed to bring in the big guns just in case.

We weren't expecting anything from the appointment other than maybe clearance. But immediately when Dr. Moshfeghi shined his light in & said "we have another tear" my heart sank. Excuse my language but WTF???? I just couldn't believe it.  Fast forward to Monday, Alex had another retinal reattachment surgery. The good news/bad news about it was that this detachement was from scar tissue that built up & tore his retina. Good news because it wasn't something that Alex did this time but bad news because it can happen again. Now we're back on 2 weeks of trying to keep him calm. He's sleeping quite a bit although today he was fully of spunk & pushed his limits.

Today though being Valentines Day it reminded me that I hadn't taken Alex's Valentines pic that I take every year. My boy was so cute & cooperative but note the glare in the pic, I need to learn how to shoot something with glasses on & avoid the glare. But most importantly I'm happy I picked up my camera today, that made my whole day.

Looking from a whole new perspective

I'm back. I've missed this space so much.  Facebook & Instagram are just so easy & immediate, they kinda killed my blogging mojo but after the last month I feel like I need to come back here this safe space to talk & record things that aren't quick or tidy. For instance the events of the last month (and before) that have made me feel like I'm both losing my mind and made me more patient all at the same time

Alex broke his eye & went blind. He can see again but the reality is he went blind & I started screaming on the inside & sometimes it feels like I'll never be "quiet inside" again, now I worry all of the time. I think I might have a touch of PTSD. I can't seem to stop stressing about the safety of his new "Humpty Dumpty" eye.

For months Alex had been really struggling with self injurious behaviors, more accurately when things were not feeling right to him he'd ball his hand up into a fist & literally punch himself in the face as hard as he could.  I had taken him to every doctor to have every inch of him inspected for some clue as to why he was doing that but no one could unravel the mystery. My boy was sinking into a hole and there was little I could do to help him out. We tried a lot, drugs, behaviorists, time outs, calendars, schedules... a lot. But on December 19th after an uneventful trip to Target he got into my car ok & when he got out he was totally blind.

There was an amazing surgeon, a lot of crying, lots of support & a miracle after that. Now he can see & I have a new prespective.  I find his new glasses & helmet pretty cute (the helmet is only for independent times at home & at school). We went into a med place that I wasn't expecting & they are working beautifully but now I have to see him all the time. We have more help here at home yet I'm there more than before.

There is nothing more important that having him see. I never really thought of that before but suddenly nothing else was as important as that.

Scattered as usual but at least I wrote it down.

 

 

Operation Activity

We have been struggling again with Alex. His behaviors have been challenging to say the least. I know that part of it is this whole teenage transformation that is going on but there is also something else going on that I have been struggling to put my finger on. I've been searching high & low for anyone who can help me shed some light on this because I feel like we are at a serious cross roads here & how we handle this could make marks that last forever. One of the strategies that we are currently taking is to have Alex be a LOT more active, like seriously active. We have one of the girls from his class taking him a couple times a week for activity based play time, he came home from his first one on Friday nice & mellow.

365:40 Friday night was stormy & PG&E visited the neighbors

So mellow in fact that Saturday he really just wanted to hang out at home which was fine with me because I had a new recipe in my head I needed to work out.  He lounged, in & out of the tub, in my bed with his iPad & generally had a lazy day (minus our quick run to the grocery store & Starbucks) while I cooked up what was in my head.  It was a really relaxing, lovely day honestly.

365:41 I made zucchini, butternut squash, eggplant, red bell pepper & ground chicken stuffed cannelloni. It was so amazing, I know I shouldn't pat myself on the back but it was really good. LOL I sent some to my friend Jill so that someone else could appreciate it as Geoff was not home.

365:42 Then this morning we slept late & by about 11:30 it was pretty clear that he was full of energy again & I had a choice... keep him inside because it was raining or get out because the destruction was about to take over.  After a quick phone call to my sister Anna we had a destination.  I had recently heard a discussion at my Weight Watchers meeting about these stairs up a hill in San Jose, somehow with just that info we managed to find our way. Anna, Robby, Alex & I thought it was really cool, like 8 flights of stairs up a hill we went up & down 2 1/2 times plus walked on the trail around the area. Alex was/is pooped. He was mellow again tonight. Tomorrow is school & then his activity date in the afternoon. I'm praying that this holds up & that we can keep going. It seems so simple & really something that we all need... more activity.

I bet you thought I blew it already

I didn't.. Project 365+1 (apparently it's Leap Year) i still going strong but I go so distracted making the highlight reel that I wasn't tending to the pics that were building up. So here they are:

 

365: 32 My boy is getting bigger by the day lately. Time for Size 8 jeans

365:33 Alex is a huge fan of the Highlight Reel

365:34 Meeting up with my Camp Sisters... felt so good to be around my people again.

365:35 Coffee tastes best when delivered to my bedside

365:36 Seriously cannot get enough of these little orange goodies

365:37 Trail walking with 2 buddies & a baby

365:38 The storm is coming in... finally!

365:39 My cozy Christmas slippers arrived today.

 

The highlight reel

Lately I have been seeing lots of slide shows of people's photography projects & I've been dying to do one.  I decided I'd do a litte 2011 photography recap & I have to say I'm hooked!! I still have tons to learn about the actual process of putting these together, this one is clearly a beginners skill level. lol But there is something so cool about seeing all of these pics together as a collection... a snapshot of our whole year. I hope you like it too (I promise to figure out the transistions & make it go with the beats of the music).

 

Untitled from moriah bettencourt on Vimeo.

xxoo

Peeking in... is anyone here?

And I'm back! The rent week craziness took over my life & I'm trying to get back on all 4 wheels again. Phew. I've been taking my pics all along though & trying to focus on my word. It's 5 minutes to midnight so I'm cutting my words short & just posting my pics to get caught up tonight.  I'll try to get back some witty banter soon...

365:26 I love these baby carrots, especially with a little cumin & lime

365:27 My boy was feeling a little under the weather

365:28 My nephew Chris. Today Anna, Chris, Robby, Alex & I all went to San Francisco for an adventure.

365:29 Another fabulous sunset. I'll never get tired of them

365:30 In love with my Casetagram Lisa got me one for Christmas & I'm seriously in love!

365:31 Cooking dinner

See you again soon :) 

 

What's the word?

365:25 A peaceful afternoon for my boy

As previously mentioned one of my 2012 ongoing personal projects is the "One Little Word" project with Ali Edwards. A few years ago when this all started I chose a word & I really used that word to guide my year. That word (I think in 2008 or 09???) was Reclaim. That year I reclaimed part of what I felt like was missing of the old me. I found the OLW concept to be very moving & I thought back to the word often when I was needing direction.

It's taken me 2 weeks but I've finally picked a word for 2012 (thanks to friends for helping me find the clarity & thanks to Kelly for passing this word onto me because last year it was hers). Drum roll please...

the 2012 word is>>>>>>> Release!

I need to release:

The fears I have for things I cannot control

The weight from my body

The power I give those who are trying to bother me

The shutter on my camera more often

The drama that people create that I do not need

My fears of Alex's future that keep me awake at night

and about 10,000 other things... that list is just the start. I shall focus on releasing things this year & becoming a person who is carrying less with me.

Inspired

365:24 Self Portrait

Project 365 was very popular in 2011, I heard of it but was just not in the place where I thought I could participate. I have been enjoying mine so far but I had sort of a pragmatic approach to it just making sure that I was taking *a* picture.  But in the past few days many people who did P365 in 2011 have been posting their slideshows of their years work... I am so inspired. I want mine to be beautiful, to not only reflect our daily life but also the beauty in it.  I can't wait to see where it takes me.

If you had your pick

365:23 Evening tea out of my favorite mug

I had a conversation with a friend today, a friend who knew me before Alex.  I called just to chat because lately we have been playing Words With Friends (oh how I love that game) & it made me miss her laugh. We chatted for a bit and things moved into the struggles that we both have in our daily lives, both of us have been sideswiped by things we cannot change or control that we deal with daily. We have a lot in common even though our lives are very different. It's good to be reminded sometimes that everywhere there are struggles, not just here at our house. It feels so good to renew old connections. <3 <3 <3

Hello 2012

I'm hoping for a good year.  I've taken on a few personal projects like my Project 365, the Ali Edwards One Little Word class and the Cathy Zielske Move More Eat Well 2012 class. I know... that seems like a lot for me doesn't it? I have a hard time with personal projects sometimes because the more responsible side of my life gets in the way. Sometimes it's Alex but most of the time it's work. I feel like putting anything for me above of things for others is not okay, I struggle with that and working from home just compounds those feelings... there is always something I *should* be doing right?

But this year is going to be better. I am going to hone my work life even more. For weeks I have been thinking about this change & I think that I have hit the idea I'm going with. I just need a little organization redo & shift in my thinking of time management. Check, that starts tomorrow.

So 2012, let's give each other a chance ok? Let's agree that I can do this because I know that I can. I want to be well balance, caught up & I want to have fun. Do you believe in me? I hope so because I do.

365:20 New Years Eve was pretty chill around here.  Alex did a lot of this, I did some work & then we had a quiet evening at home.

365:21 Cake Ninja strikes again. No matter where I hide a cooling cake Alex finds it & puts his hand through part of it. I refer to him as Cake Ninja for his stealthy cake destruction.